January 24, 2011

Of Mice and Women

The way women react to mice is exclusively dependent on context.

Figure A: Invited Mice

Figure B: Uninvited Mice

Figure C: Dead Mice

And also, per Isaac's persistent request, Figure D: Pirate-Hockey Mice

January 23, 2011

Fevered Dreams: Part 1

This was a real dream that I had last week. Also, it took me like four days to draw that stupid pickup truck.

January 22, 2011

Problem-Solving Techniques Part 3: Being Woken Up

Strategy 1: Ignore

This could work very well for you, or it could get very ugly very fast, depending on the strength and willpower of your adversary.

Strategy 2: Intimidate

This one, admittedly, has never worked for me. But it may prove effective against a small child.

Strategy 3: Distract

This strategy is highly effective, but results only last for approximately ten minutes.

Strategy 4: Pathos

I can really only pull this one off about once a month.

Strategy 5: Bargain

You can gain a few more minutes if you're forceful enough.

Strategy 6: Reason

This one seems good in theory, but it never seems to work.

Strategy 7: Feign Consciousness

This one kind of never works, and you usually just end up conscious for real by the end of it.

The aforementioned strategies have never been shown to procure the desired results. That doesn't mean they're not worth trying anyway. I tried all of them myself this morning, in this order even, and while they really just postponed the inevitable, at least I woke up fighting.

I should also mention that, although it only takes a few minutes to read through these strategies, it takes close to 25 minutes to execute all of them properly. You have to be really serious about disregarding timeliness for the sake of sleep if you choose to attempt these techniques.

Problem-Solving Techniques Part 2: Dealing with Stress

Exercise 1:

Work on the assignment in question until your mind is so clouded by useless information and anxiety that you cannot continue.


Abruptly turn around and tell your wife how you feel with whatever noises happen to come to mind first.

Punctuate with an uncomfortable stare.

End the exercise as quickly as possible and get back to work before your wife can distract you with any stupid questions.

Exercise 2:

While your wife lovingly prepares dinner in another room, work quietly on the assignment until you are overcome with a crushing sense of hopelessness and immobility.

And then,

do this.

End the exercise before she has a chance to ask you why you are holding your breath and dancing wildly in the kitchen without any pants on.

It's none of her business anyway.

Problem-Solving Techniques Part 1: Microwave Not Working

See how that works? I draw attention to the problem, and Isaac fixes it. We call that teamwork.